take my world apart

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and a lot of it kind of came together today. I realized there are a lot of things, expectations, hopes, dreams etc, that even though they are Godly and well-meant, I still have been holding onto way too tightly(actually holding on at all), and I have to give everything to God, good and bad. Regardless, there are still a lot of things I'm not sure of right now. Well actually, I am sure that I'm unsure of most things right now. But, I am sure of God, and His love and His power and might. Of His greatness and wonderfulness. Of who He is. I want him to take my world apart so that I rely totally and completely on Him. I cannot express in human words how I am feeling in this moment, but its an amazing feeling. Such an insatiable desire for God. I'm starving and yearning and longing for everything He has for me. My heart is calling out for Him, reaching and grasping for Him, for His heart. I'm overwhelemed by everything He is. He really died for me. Shake my paradigm to pieces Lord. Take my world apart, I want You and only You.

This song by Jars of Clay, "Worlds Apart", really speaks a lot of what my heart is feeling tonight.

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love, To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray, To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart Take it now, take it now

And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart
Worlds Apart.