i'm getting married! YAY!

i'm getting married!!! i'm super excited!! hehe YAY! :D!

results of college

I'm a lazy blogger, please forgive me : D!

and I'm more in love than ever. : D!!

I cannot hide my love

It seems that my greatest inspiration and need to express my heart comes out of spending time in the incredible, holy presence of God. I was just not feeling good at all. talking it out with some people and praying, I was by myself again and I just began to seek the face of God. To cry out to Him in the midst of what felt like my wilderness, and a song came to my mind and I realized how much of a theme it is in my heart and life right now.

Holy Spirit I need your touch,
More than ever before.
Oh Jesus, I need your love,
And I'm desperate for more.

When I feel Your presence all around me...
When I feel Your arms as they surround me...

I cannot hide my love
I cannot hide my love
My feet will have to dance

I cannot hide my love
I cannot hide my love
My heart will have to sing

So yes, that is the theme and the cry of my heart. I just have to spin and dance aorund my room at the thought of how great God is and how much He delights in our praise. He is so great and might, slow to anger and abounding in love. I love you my King. He is so worthy of our praise and I want my whole heart to be His, forever and always. Thank you Lord for carrying me through every part of everyday for all of my life. You never leave me and you always love me. Thank you Daddy.

just keep cooking

I just got home from yet another absolutely amazing weekend at the Helsers. oh man, God is good, God is AMAZING! I could write about five books on everything that happened and all that God did. Wow, I mean I don't even know where to start. I have so many questions about everything and I found a few answers, thats for sure. I really do have a big heart for writing, and I've been ignoring that a lot lately, or at least I have gotten so busy I haven't had time to let God write through me. There are so many things I want to do, so many places I want to go in the heart of God, and I feel like I have to do it all now. But God is constantly reminding me that I have the rest of eternity to explore His heart. I have got to remember that. It was spoken over me recently that my gifts would begin to come together and His path for me would become clearer and I feel like I might a little bit more of the puzzle put together. I'm just waiting for God to push the accelerator and take me where He wants me. I'm expecting big things to happen in Ecuador though, and I'm definitely praying hard about what to do for my life group next semester. God is really stirring up the waters of my heart, I can feel the simmer growing into a boil, I'm just still not sure whats in the cooking pot. But once it starts to boil over, the lid will come off and the contents will spill out all over the stove. So we'll just keep cooking. All the praise and honor and glory is His. Love!

oh time where have you gone?

So, its June. God is still good, life is still amazing, and I am still really slack about updating my blog. All in all, nothing much has changed. I'm done with my first year of college and God just continually piles the blessings on my life. I'm heading to Helsers in June, Ecuador in July, and working all the time in between. God has been teaching me so very much lately about not worrying about the future. He just wants me to seek Him, and He will show me the path He has set before me and show me how He is going to use me and the gifts He has blessed me with. Until then, I'm just trying to continually live for Him. Life is beautiful.

yes, its march

ok, ok. i know. i'm a very slack updater. oh well, life is busy, and when I have time, I'm too tired to post. Here's the scoop: God is absolutely AMAZING! hands down, best Thing EVER! : D! haha yay! He has been doing sooooooooo much in me! I'm on leadership like whoa in Chi Alpha Christian Fellowship here at UNC, worship team, bible study co-leader, general leadership, and on and on the list goes.... lol. It really has been so so so amazing. God is teaching me so many things in so so many facets of my life. I wish I could mention it all, but its just so so much! I'll try to update more though and write them down here. : ) God is good. I can't wait until spring break. I can't believe the semester is so close to being over! yayay! love love love to everyone! : D

January grace

so I'm a little sporatic when it comes to my posts on here... its only been 25 days! Anyway, I've been ridiculously busy with all kinds of wonderful new things!! I was invited to be a part of Chi Alpha Leadership!! Yay! So now I'm co-leading a life group (small group bible study) and I am on general leadership and also on the prayer and worship teams! lol, whew thats a lot! but its so so good! My classes are great, I really love how my schedule is set up, it leaves planty of time in the afternoon for my new job as an Office Assistant at Hinton James (my dorm)! I also was asked to have an interview for being an RA, since I'm applying for that next year! All kinds of craziness! Last weekend was one of the most amazing weekends! I went to a young women's retreat at A Place For the Heart and it was unbelievably awesome! God was so there and just really ministered to me and all the girls there! He did some really powerful stuff to kick off this new season. And it was so good to be able to see a lot of my friends who I only see once or twice a year! Its definitely been a struggle since coming off of that retreat to not let Satan's doubled attacks get to me, but I'm doing good so far : ) so life is crazy and wonderful and busy, but God is in everything and guiding me through it all and I am so so so thankful. I don't know how I'd live without Him, He guides my steps in all things and carries me through the hardest times, He is so gracious and loving and I could never stop praising Him!

Psalm 145
1 I will exalt you, my God the King; I will praise your name for ever and ever.
2 Every day I will praise you and extol your name for ever and ever.
3 Great is the LORD and most worthy of praise; his greatness no one can fathom.
4 One generation will commend your works to another; they will tell of your mighty acts.
5 They will speak of the glorious splendor of your majesty, and I will meditate on your wonderful works.
6 They will tell of the power of your awesome works, and I will proclaim your great deeds.
7 They will celebrate your abundant goodness and joyfully sing of your righteousness.
8 The LORD is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and rich in love.
9 The LORD is good to all; he has compassion on all he has made.
10 All you have made will praise you, O LORD; your saints will extol you.
11 They will tell of the glory of your kingdom and speak of your might,
12 so that all men may know of your mighty acts and the glorious splendor of your kingdom.
13 Your kingdom is an everlasting kingdom, and your dominion endures through all generations. The LORD is faithful to all his promises and loving toward all he has made.
14 The LORD upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.
15 The eyes of all look to you, and you give them their food at the proper time.
16 You open your hand and satisfy the desires of every living thing.
17 The LORD is righteous in all his ways and loving toward all he has made.
18 The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth.
19 He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them.
20 The LORD watches over all who love him, but all the wicked he will destroy.
21 My mouth will speak in praise of the LORD. Let every creature praise his holy name for ever and ever.

So this is the new year.

So this is the new year.
And I just got back from one of the best weekends of my life. wow. God is good. He has blessed me so much in everything. I got to spend this new years weekend with some of my favorite people in the entire world. a gigantic and beautiful beach house, gorgeous beach, tons of food and amazing friends (18 people to be exact, lol) getting all dressed up for new years, dancing, singing, movies, photography out the wazoo, fireworks, making squirrel friends, late night convos, pool table, iTrips, ten people in a camry, walking barefoot in the sand, gorgeous weather, breathtaking sunsets, God's presence. I mean wow, God was all over this weekend, and it was just a bunch of friends who all love Jesus getting together to have fun, but nonetheless, as always, God showed up. He is so good. we had a devotional/sharing/worship time this morning. and not only was what everyone had to say so incredibly encouraging, but the worship was one of the most annointed sounds I've ever heard. 18 voices, totally a cappella, just worshiping God. I swear the angels had to have been singing with us. wow.
God is amazing. This has just been such a blessed time for me, really learning more and more about God's goodness and faithfulness in the midst of everything, in every aspect of life. You can learn so much by just watching other people love Jesus. Its so wonderful.
Wow, sorry for the choppiness, I am just so full of everything right now, I can hardly express it all. This new year is going to be an absolutely amazing adventure. so many new things, new relationships, new classes, new situations, new challenges, new everything, and yet its the same God, the same love, the same amazing One who holds all things together and loves us all unconditionally. oh man its gonna be so good. Take me where you want me to go Lord, I'm all yours.

retrospect

Well, I am finally home for winter break. First semester is over and there's only seven more to go. College has been amazing. I have met more people than I think I ever have in my life in such a short time, and most of them have been absolutely amazing. I feel like I really have grown a lot, or at least learned a lot, during this initial phase of my college career. I am no closer to figuring out a major, and that's okay. I'm constantly growing and changing in God, and thats wonderful. I am more sure of who I am in Him everyday; Caring less and less about what the world thinks of me (though I still have a looong way to go) and focusing more and more on what God thinks of me(though, again, I still have a looong way to go). UNC is hands down the best place for me and I fit so perfectly there. God definitely knows what He is doing. And I am so so so so excited to see exactly what He has for me there in the future. This semester has been amazing. My introduction into college still feels like a dream most days, its just been so great. I know God has even greater things in store for me in the spring, but for now I'm going to relax and enjoy the smells of Christmas trees, the apple cider, the fire in the fireplace, and the wonderful, happy, giving spirit of Christmastime! Love to you all and merry merry Christmas!

take my world apart

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, and a lot of it kind of came together today. I realized there are a lot of things, expectations, hopes, dreams etc, that even though they are Godly and well-meant, I still have been holding onto way too tightly(actually holding on at all), and I have to give everything to God, good and bad. Regardless, there are still a lot of things I'm not sure of right now. Well actually, I am sure that I'm unsure of most things right now. But, I am sure of God, and His love and His power and might. Of His greatness and wonderfulness. Of who He is. I want him to take my world apart so that I rely totally and completely on Him. I cannot express in human words how I am feeling in this moment, but its an amazing feeling. Such an insatiable desire for God. I'm starving and yearning and longing for everything He has for me. My heart is calling out for Him, reaching and grasping for Him, for His heart. I'm overwhelemed by everything He is. He really died for me. Shake my paradigm to pieces Lord. Take my world apart, I want You and only You.

This song by Jars of Clay, "Worlds Apart", really speaks a lot of what my heart is feeling tonight.

I am the only one to blame for this
Somehow it all adds up the same
Soaring on the wings of selfish pride
I flew too high and like Icarus I collide
With a world I try so hard to leave behind
To rid myself of all but love, To give and die

To turn away and not become
Another nail to pierce the skin of one who loves
More deeply than the oceans,
More abundant than the tears
Of a world embracing every heartache

Can I be the one to sacrifice?
Or grip the spear and watch the blood and water flow

To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

All said and done I stand alone
Amongst remains of a life I should not own
It takes all I am to believe
In the mercy that covers me

Did you really have to die for me?
All I am for all you are
Because what I need and what I believe are worlds apart

And I pray, To love you - take my world apart
To need you - I am on my knees
To love you - take my world apart
To need you - broken on my knees

I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
And wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remains
More and more I need you now,
I owe you more each passing hour
The battle between grace and pride
I gave up not so long ago
So steal my heart and take the pain
And wash the feet and cleanse my pride
Take the selfish, take the weak,
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
The sin and soaked heart and make it yours
Take my world all apart Take it now, take it now

And serve the ones that I despise
Speak the words I can't deny
Watch the world I used to love
Fall to dust and thrown away
I look beyond the empty cross
Forgetting what my life has cost
So wipe away the crimson stains
And dull the nails that still remain
So steal my heart and take the pain
Take the selfish, take the weak
And all the things I cannot hide
Take the beauty, take my tears
Take my world apart, take my world apart
I pray, I pray, I pray
Take my world apart
Worlds Apart.

rivers of thought

I think I think too much. I think. lol. there are so many thoughts that flow through my mind constantly. like a river. It just keeps flowing, from somewhere far away to somewhere else farther away. and the river is made up of so many different parts, water from all different places, all converging on one place, my head. there are those constant currents that wont ever leave, always there, on my mind, always present. then there is everything else that is fleeting from here to there, and somehow back again. I think God is that unseen force which keeps the river flowing, always flowing, he makes it rises during floods, and replenishes it with rain during the dry seasons. this probably doesnt make sense to anyone but me and God, but ah well, c'est la vie.
I think so much, so often, all the time, sometimes I wish my mind would turn off, for no reason other than just wanting some peace and quiet from myself. there are a few things I can almost never get off my mind, but I want the One thing that never leaves my mind, that which is the essense of my whole river of thought, to be my God, my Jesus. Be my river of thought Father, let all the rest of my life and thoughts drown in You God. Be my essence. Be my thoughts. Be my river. Be my life. I want it to be just You and I Lord. I want to swim in Your presence.
I love you my God, my King.

What's the desire of your heart?

Life sure can be amazing and crazy all at the same time. Its funny how that works. I've definitely not been getting enough sleep lately, so I have for sure been less exuberant than normal, but things are looking up in the sleep department. Got a pretty restful weekend looking at me right now, just a football game and some movies tomorrow : D! I'm excited!
I so want to be able to write songs, I mean I guess I kind of can, and I kind of have, but I don't know, I haven't felt very creative lately... Then again, if iI spend more time with the Creator, I might be able to create a few things myself : ) Thats my goal, to just spend time with my God. That is the remedy to so many things, just about everything really : ) I want to know God so well, so intimately, I want to be less of me and so much more of Him. He must increase, I must decrease.
I really have been so so so so so so in awe of God lately, just being speechless before Him, just overwhelmed by His beauty and love and grace and power. He is so good!!!!!! I love you God!! Be the desire of my heart Lord.
What's the desire of your heart?

music, love, and georgia

wow. life is amazing. absolutely amazing and indescribable. : D i just got back from a spectacular weekend in atlanta. 8 people, 7 seats, 6 hours, 5 thrifty items, 4 amazing bands, 3 glorious days, 2 many people in a van, 1 God. wow. what a weekend. rode down with David, Marshall, Brian, Jacob, John Bingham, Tiphani, and Britty. yayayyay! it was so good to visit Stephen and see people from home and get to know others better!! yay Britty! yay awesome people! anyways, we went to a random highschool football game, had a massive bonfire, did some very successful thrifting in downtown atlanta and to top off the amazing weekend went to see COPELAND! it was one of the best shows i've ever been to for sure, i had so much fun : ) what a great weekend.
in other less recent news(since i havent updated in a million years, no exaggeration, really haha), My friend Jordan and I have been writing some songs, we are totally making a cd one day, like we really are : D yay! hmmm, yeah, college is crazy. my life is crazy, busy-crazy that is. i mean its all amazing, but crazy-busy too. i feel like i might explode or collapse with everything any second, but at the same time, everything is good. kind of a weird feeling, anyways. sorry for the shallow update, but i'll leave you with this: give me sleep and i'll give you deep.

definition

This evening, my friend decided to define me:

Lauren, definition: noun. Person. Unusual, but awesome, personality. Typically very happy and most likely to be seen laughing. Favorite habitat is enclosed in an open field of flowers . Enjoys jumping, dancing, and spinning in circles. Synonyms: wide grin, laugh, yay, yayay, uberhappy, Child of God, :-), goober.

Needless to say, I like it. : D!



p.s. its my half-birthday!! : D

God is love.

what a happy happy day!! yay! not only did I get to start off the day with an awesome 714 prayer, I had my one-on-one with the beautiful Jillian! After that I had some great conversation of epiphanies and then guitar playing time! Easy classes, and then I got my first paper back in anthropology today! I was getting worried because almost all of the papers in front of mine weren't above a C-, and then I get mine backand it was an A-!!!! hehehe! I was SO pumped! Thank you Jesus for somehow making my paper good. :)! Then I curled my hair in ringlets because I could, haha, had dinner, then went to practice before the XA night of worship tonight. God was all over it and it was just so awesome, God has been all over today : )
I can't emphasize enough how great God is! I mean, I have been blessed beyond my wildest dreams, I really have. Sometimes I catch myself not being content with my life, but then I try to remember that I'm a waiting period right now and I just need to try my hardest to grow in God as I wait for what God wants to do with me next! Oh man, wow Jesus, I love you! What a happy, wonderful day!

music and silliness

<<-

today has been wonderful and full of music. I wish a music major was practical... i miss music, I love music, oh man. its amazing. I'm learning guitar and teaching piano and voice, hooray! hehe life is good, now on to something fun:

Only because David asked me to...

Things I want to do before I die:

1. play Eponine in a production of Les Miserables
2. visit all 50 states
3. go to italy
4. write a song
5. be kissed by my beloved in the pouring down rain

Things I can do:

1. sing
2. make some tasty food
3. knit you a scarf
4. drive a manual
5. make you laugh

Things I can’t do:

1. a split
2. tame my tresses
3. not smile : )
4. choose a major
5. tell a good joke, haha

Things that attract me to the opposite sex:

1. living for Jesus
2. eyes
3. intelligence
4. a sense of humor
5. compassion
6. sweetness

Celebrity Crushes:

1. Harrison Ford
2. Aragorn (its the only time I think Viggo looks good, and manly)
3. Orlando Bloom
4. Russell Crowe
5. Aaron Marsh

People I want to do this next:

1. Everyone! : D!
2. Jillian
3. Amanda
4. Emily
5. Jordan

the likeness of Jesus

<<- ->>

So I have been putting off updating for quite a while, mostly due to busyness, and doubting anyone actually reads this silly thing anymore, but I hope you do! : D!
So much has happened and yet not really anything has happened. I've been hanging out with my XA people a lot, as in like all the time, and I just feel so at home there, with everyone. Thank you God for those amazing people whoare all so in love with You!! Building friendships has been the goal and key to this first crazy semester of college thus far, my prayer is that those friendshipd continue to grow. My life group(bible study, small group etc) is amazing! We talked aobut being romanced by our Beloved and our King, and we all got beautiful roses from our Jesus, yay! (haha thank you Jillian) hmmmm not a ton else going on really. Midterms are almost all over hooray! and I'm surviving!
God you are so amazing and so beautiful my King. I love you. And you love me with an everlasting love. Your grace is too good for me, yet you bestow on my life freely and gladly. You are wondrous my Love. Thank you for the songs of love and blessing that You sing over my life.
I really am overwhelmed with blessing, I want everyone else to have a piece of it. Taste and see that the Lord is good. More than good. Amazing, wonderful, marvelous, awesome, astounding, incredible, magnificent, extraordinary, heroic, splendid, majestic. You are glorious my King and I want to orship you with all I am and everything You created me to be. Thank you that I can know You.
Wow God, you astound me. I'm speechless in Your presence. All I can do is humbly bow in awe of You, of everything You are.

Likeness of Jesus by jonathan david helser
I want the cry of Moses
I want the ears of Samuel
I want the heart of Mary
But most of all, I want the likeness of Jesus

I want the prayers of Daniel
I want the voice of John
I want the walk of Enoch
But most of all, I want the likeness of Jesus

From glory to glory
I am transformed
Nothing's between us
The veil has been torn

I want to be holy as He is holy
I want to be righteous as He is righteous
I want to be loving as He is loving
But most of all I want to be like Jesus.

The King is enthralled by your beauty

well, its tuesday, thats for sure. i'm a tired little girl. stayed up last night until 2:20am writing an anthropology paper, and then got up at 6:30 to go to 714 prayer in the union. man oh man, earrrrly day! but its ok, after that I came back to my room and went back to sleep. that was wondrous. my hair is curly now(i woke up with it straight) and its making me happy!
tonight i get to sing with the xa worship team for the first of what i hope to be many times! I just love worshipping so so much, singing my heart out to God just lifts my spirits in a way I can't describe. I love music. Speaking of which, one of my friends taught me some great stuff on the guitar today! it was so fun and i'm on my way to actually being able to say i can play guitar, lol. anyways, yay guitar! yay God!
Speaking of God, I (as always) have really been struggling with the whole beauty thing (as every woman does at some point) anyways, and its just so hard, but if i'm not going to buy into the other things of this world, like drugs and alcohol and all that, why should i buy into their perception of beauty? of course I say this now and I'll be self conscious tomorrow, but still, its a good way to try to think about things. God so loves his beautiful creation. God's creation is amazing, and we are a part of that. yay!

The King is enthralled by your beauty. Psalm 45:11

don't complete me yet

yay yay yay!! i think that yay is one of my very favorite words in the entire world : D! it so adequately expresses how i feel most of the time. this evening was amazing. we had a worship and prayer night in the union from 5:30-9:30 and then all of xa went up to franklin street pizza and pasta and had wonderful food and fun! i got to know even more amazing, Godly people and had some awesome prayer and worship. God is always working on me and I'm so glad. I want to be clay in His hands. i never want to be complete, not until I meet Him face to face. oh maan i am just so so happy : )!

worship is a state of the heart

here is my heart right now: http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=unc_chialpha the wednesday, sept 21 is my post, please read it! : )

"The Lord says there is nothing you can do that would make Him love you more, there is also nothing you can do that would make Him love you less. He loves you...because he loves you, because that is what He is like, it is His nature to love, and you will always be the beloved."
-Graham Cooke
That is an awesome quote from the awakening and is on the demo http://www.aplacefortheheart.org/ for Jonathan Helser's CD!!

I just love that quote, it is so so so so true!! anyways please read the xanga post! i love you all!!

what a week Jesus : )

Wow, what a week its been. : ) haha I start almost every journal entry with "wow" too. It really does sum up my life. one big wow. hehehe! : D! I auditioned for a co-ed christian a capella group and had call backs today and it went sooo well! I find out if I made it in the morning!! Tonight's XA class about being "missions minded" was awesome! It wasn't the typical "you ought to be ashamed if you are converting people right and left and preaching everywhere" but it was an awesome time of diving into the scripture and really uncovering the promises God has made and our purpose here on earth and the amazing ways he has provided for us to fufill His plan for us! I love you Jesus!!! : D He's been teaching me SO much lately on really laying everything at His feet and totally just submitting it to Him and what He has planned for me. Because God knows WAAAAY better than I do about what's best for me, and the plan He has for my life is SO much greater than anything I could create of my own strength or mind! God is so amazing!! Anyways, I just hope I go to sleep tonight, I can't wait to see if I got in to Psalm 100! love to everyone and have a blessed weekend!

musical laughter

and finally, an update (sorry its been so long!)

I've been thinking a lot about laughing lately. I mean I'm a veteran laugher, I ought to have a medal or something, but lately, I've been thinking about it too. Now as all of you that have heard me laugh know, I don't have that musical, beautiful laughter that floats on the breeze and could be heard in a flower or a tree. But it sure is contagious, hehe. I absolutely love laughing, its one of my favorite things in the world to do, and I don't ever plan on stopping. And I'd rather have a laugh which makes other laugh, than one that just sounds nice. And I think all genuine laughter is beautiful, much more beautiful than music could ever be : )

Now then! On to more important things, lol. I have officially become a college student in the last week or so! I'm absolutely in love with Carolina and wouldn't want to be anywhere else, I'm definiently supposed to be here. Man, God is so good! He is so faithful, left and right I see Him working in my life and its so amazing! He's been bringing me desperately longed for Christian friends and been showing me which Christian fellowship to join and everything. I can hardly remember everything He's done for me and blessed me with in just this one week alone. But I can't wait to see what else He has for me in these next four years! : )

I came home to Greensboro for the weekend and it was wonderful, I didn't do anything except just hang out with my parents. It was so nice to have AC and be able to relax and rest, college is tiring! I'm auditioning for an a capella group next week and getting plugged into a Christian fellowship as well. We'll see about how club lacrosse goes, but for now I'm getting ice cream tonight with two beautiful ladies and letting God take care of the rest.

Phillipians 4:6-7 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guards your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

postings of a lazy lazy girl

I can't believe the end is almost here. every class now is full of watching movies, end of year fiestas, and yearbook signing. i can't quite believe its all over, its been forever, and so short, but i'm so glad to be almost done. graduation is next saturday : ) thats going to be an amazing day :) i have a job now! so i no longer feel like a bum as i'm making money and selling shoes at the birkenstock store at friendly : D yayayay! Thank God for my wonderful job! i had the most wonderful belated birthday ever, not only did i get gorgeous earrings AND a ring from my darling, but we all went to see Jason Upton and then the next day had a swing daning extravaganza in winston. : ) what a wonderful weekend that was!!! : D thank you David, for everything, you made it the most wonderful birthday ever : ) my final voice recital is next tuesday, and i swear i'm going to cry, I cant wait to get involved in the theater at unc, : D. in other news, i'm leading worship on sunday!!! i am So nervous, but excited too, and God will help calm my nerves. i'm colecting ll my painting supplies for the summer so i can enjoy the sunshine and make some art, no idea how they'll turn out, but i'm hoping for the best : ) getting SO excited about shopping for dorm things and finding out who my roommate is!!! hehehe, college is gonna be amazing! i love you all and have a wonderful may!! : D

Hold nothing back

Today was a day for blogging, defnitely. Not that I have all that much to say, nothing super deep, or super important, but just telling you bits and pieces of my life, which is generally what I always do, but for once, I actually feel like blogging. My post-voice lesson adrenaline rush from that high Bb is still going strong, so I'm taking advantage of the time. : )
I used to write my poems/artistic musings in pencil in hopes of being able to edit them later, but whenever I feel a poem/artistic musing come on, it happens in one big rush, like a bucket of water being dumped from my head onto my paper. So I have determined to always write them in pen, that way I can't mess with the original moment which inspired said poem/artistic musing, because every time I try to fix them and make them better, something just doesn't seem right about it, not at all. Some might say its a silly practice to try and get it right the very first time and let the cement harden instantly, but as I don't plan on ever publishing anything I write in my journal, I don't think its too hazardous. : )
Also, many of the things I have written a long time ago, at various times and situations, become relevant and sometimes even more meaningful than when I originally wrote it, and that just makes me glad. God uses even the tiny seemingly silly things to do great wonders, or just cheer someone up. Man is He good. : )
Also, the other day, I had the biggest urge I think I've ever had to paint something. Probably in the impressionistic style since I don't completely trust my abilities to accurately depict much of anything with paint. I think I'll break out the canvases this summer when no one's home and I'm feeling colorful. I can't wait, it's been forever since I actually painted something. I intend to take many an art course in college, finally, with all those high school trivialites like foreign language requirements out of the way, I'll have time for things I love. : D
God has so much planned for these next four years, I can just feel it, and it feels great. I don't know when I have anticipated something thats such a big change so much. And its not the "Oh boy oh boy I can't wait!!" giddy jumping up-and-down sort of thing, but the more patient, yet excited "Oh goodness gracious, I want to see what God is doing!" Geez, its gonna be so good, oh man is it ever. : D

french braided pigtails

french braided pigtails, when you think about the name, it just makes you sick, but nonetheless, it looks cute. anyways, sorry for the horrible intro, but it was what i was thinking at the moment. : ) been very tired and full of lacrosse, too tired to do much blogging, thats for sure. anyways, this is pretty much my last week of actual classes before ap exams start and then its just alllll dowhill. i am super super pumped about that and SO excited about college. lacrosse game tonight, of course, but for once, its not raining, and its not supposed to either. its amazing. anyways, i hav eto go focus on my game or something, i'll write more later, prom on friday!!! lovelove to you all : D

post-birthdayness

ok, so i've been a horribly lazy bum and not updated in forever, but i honestly think only one person reads this thing and he already knows everything that i write in here. but by golly, i'm going to update anyway. my eighteenth birthday was yesterday and it was nice. i had family birthday time and presents on monday and played lots of lacrosse yesterday. it was nice, we had cupcakes and singing on the bus for my birthday, almost got 18 goals. yes we killed them, and i got to play goalie the whole game. hehe yay. school is wrapping up, teachers are going crazy on review and i'm just relaxing, and by relaxing i mean playing lacrosse 24/7. my end of year voice recital is coming up, and i swear i'm gonna cry at the end. i have just this year been realizing how much i absolutely LOVE voice and singing and all that jazz. oh goodness, i hope i can still do that in college, there are a lot of things i hope i get to do in college, but God definitely comes first. thats my main gola in life right now, jsut to put God first in everything i do. but man oh man is it hard. anyways, its for sure bedtime and i'll try to write more later, but i love you all! : )

too delicious to be sacreligious

Just sitting here thinking of all the things i want to say in this entry leaves me totally overwhelmed. its been over two weeks since i last posted and what a full over-two-weeks its been.
spring break started off wonderfully. Amanda invited me over at the spur of a moment and we ended up playing Where in the USA is Carmen San Diego? which brought back awesomely fond childhood memories. we rented breakfast at tiffany's got locked into caribou coffee and finally made it home to watch the movie and cook gourmet things in her easy bake oven. hanging out with her was so aweosme since we hardly see each other at all anymore and next year, we'll be hundreds of miles apart. : (
then spring break continued in a whirl of sleeping in, sharing cars and seeing friends, mostly David. Easter came and went and my sister came home for a nice short visit. hurrah for chinese food on eater sunday, too delicious to be sacreligious. : )
then after purchasing a new car (1998 black jeep grand cherokee, shown below) and getting a beautiful cd player installed. Jessie, Brian, and Jacob piled into my car and we headed for the mountains. the weekend with all the App kids and everyone(especially one in particular) was amazing and definitely will be elaborated upon in a later update.
needless to say, spring break was amazing and all too short, but only about a month of real school left, so everything is ok.
In other news, I'm going to The University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill this fall!!!!!!! yay tarheels! : D anyways, as you can tell, i'm super super excited!!! but thats enough for now, more to come later. Love to you all, especially from God : )

me with my beautiful new jeep

outie? yes, outie.

everytime i seem to find some time to write in my blog, i feel too tired and inspired to be interesting at all. But, hey, I should get some points for actually trying for once. Still recuperating from Houston and no sleep. But its only a wretched four days of school until spring break so gloriously rolls around the corner : D i am so so so so so so pumped. trying to finish up projects for most classes but i can seem to find much motivation. *sigh* only a few more weeks lauren, it'll be over soon. oh i hope hope hope : D

this weekend was wondrous. not only did i find the most beautiful, wonderful car (yes, i'm in love, sorry David), i got to see my sammy and have a superb girls night on friday. saturday, after youth praise band practice i pretty much spent the rest of the day with David and everyone else. dinner with the family. church on sunday. really good worship. God definitely met me this weekend. but in a very quiet way, hearing him was so difficult because he was so quiet. but i finally got most everything turned down to hear him. i love the subtleties of God. they just make me smile so much.

another wonderful revelation of the weekend, i cant believe its taken me 18 years to notice, but, i have outie dimples. yes, outie dimples. and best of all? David noticed way before i did. geez oh golly geez do i love that boy. what a blessing he is to me. : D such a blessing, and so cute too! hehehe, okay, sorry, i'll stop being a silly girl in love ; )

college decisions soon, i wish march 31st would go ahead and get here *sigh* soon now, soon. its just i want to go dorm room shopping so badly!! hehe *being such a girl and loving it* and now its time for this girl and her outie dimples to crawl into bed. goodnight!! :)

don't mess with texas

ok so i'm not that much of a slacker, i've just been in texas! i went with my sister's a cappella group from duke and had a great great time! hehe and then today was a snowday!!!!!! hehehe SOOOOOOOOO awesome : D hehehe i love north carolina : ) anyways, just a short update, going to chill out and enjoy my snow day : ) i'm on the car hunt now too : D i love you all : D

playing in the snow

Deep thought for the day:
I think its interesting when I see those people who are too afraid to miss anything in life, they try to do everything, pack it all in, never miss a moment, and they just just end up getting all upset when they do miss out on things. Sometimes I see that kind of person in the mirror. But, whoever said that when it snows that automatically implies you have to play in it? Whoever said that we have to build a snowman and sled down everyhill after running until exhaustion in a huge snowball fight? What about just sitting inside by the fire and watching the beautiful snow blanket the ground and just smiling to yourself as you watch others enjoy the snow. You can play tomorrow because sometimes its okay to just sit back and watch the others, to listen to their shouts and squeals. Who knows what kind of an amazing book you might not read if you get too busy playing outside in the snow? Or all the yummy hot chocolate you wont drink? Life isn't always about everything being the biggest and bestest and most thrilling experience, sometimes the best things are the quiet and still times that you miss when you try to do everything. Next time there's a snowday and I'm tempted to jump into the fray, I'm going to try and sit back, sip my hot chocolate, and just listen. : )

i hate fender benders

*sigh* life is... full of up and downs. this is definitely a down : ( so yesterday this girl rear ended me at school and pushed me into the car in front of me. but the girl's stupid dad is a jerk and is trying to get out of it, getting an investigator to come and check out everything. SOOO unnecessary, i mean, how on earth do you get out of REAR ENDING someone?? it was totally her fault *sigh* i just want to cry because this is just so frustrating and unecessary and making me so mad :*( why can't people just own up to what they did? its their fault and thats that. i'm so angry, people just make me so so mad sometimes. i'm gonna curl up with some hot chocolate and a blanket and cry :*( on a happier note, i love you all, and Jesus is wonderful :)

inclement weather notice

7:05 got up and got ready
7:12 looked outside and saw snow
7:17 turned on the tv
7:20 back in bed, fast asleep

I absolutely love those inclement weather notices ;) Now after a nice lunch I'm all bundled up again in my warm soft pajamas and watching movies on tv. What a wonderful way to continue an already great weekend :D Went to the Helser's on Friday night and David, Brian, Stephen, Marshall, Jessie, Jacob and Rhett all ended up hanging out with Johnny and Melissa and a couple others. Cadence decided that everyone needed waffles and bananas, yes, he is the coolest kid ever. Drove to Charlotte for a playday on Saturday, the team did okay, especially considering we were missing about half the team, and I felt like I did really well. Had to do lots of driving though, but it was so nice to get to know some of the other girls on the team better, I really hope our team bonds more than we did last year, hopefully we will : ) I was a bit bummed though because I found out I didn't get captain...and a junior did...oh well, I think the coach will see she didn't make the best decision, and thats cool. Then I had a great evening with David and went to dinner with his family. Sunday we just hung out and then he headed back home and I went to Durham to practice with my sister's a cappella group at Duke! Gotta get all ready for the Houston trip!!

Hehe, I cant believe march is almost here and that month is just gonna fly by. I'm so so soooooo ready to graduate. But I'm kinda nervous and all about college...its scary!! It'll be okay, I'm sure because I have my Jesus to keep me safe, but I still get nervous and worried. Any new thing in life is scary. But I really cant wait to figure out where I'm going and meet my roommate and all that fun stuff!! But until then I'm just holding on until May 28th... : ) and now its back to enjoying my wonderful day off : D Geez do I love the winter! : )