i ate some choly-melan tonight

and it didn't taste very good.... i really don't like being melancholy, not at all, i feel ooky and like no one wants to be around me or talk to me because i'm no fun and generally just blah. i know that if they are my real friends they love me no matter what, but thats just how i feel. plus i wonder how many real friends i actually have, the tininess of the number scares me a bit.
well now its officially monday, the day that will live in infamy as the day that sucked.... i just know today gonna be awful :( lets see, i'm dreading the whole day because i didnt do any of my work, and therefore will have to deal with crap and get in trouble in all of my classes.... why can't i have self-control and be wiser? why do i have to care about things so much? things that only distract me because i think of them too often.... why can't i be patient and just seek after God without being anxious for something to happen or not happen? why can't i trust Him more? why do i have to be so down and rhetorical tonight?? *sigh* i need to give up, i really do need to surrender. *sigh*
today was ok i guess. i went to church this morning, talked about mexico, enjoyed the sermon, and then had a wonderfully tasty lunch with david, yay for baja fresh! so that was good, then we just talked for a little while and took him home. then i came back to my house, did a lot of nothing, and then went to ofy, which was ok, i guess. idk, by then my mood was significantly worse than earlier in the day, probably because every minute that passes means its that much sooner than david leaves, and that much sooner that sammy leaves, and that much sooner that all of those crazy college kids leave. :*(

status: not a happy camper

in all sincerity i don't think i can get up in the morning... and as much as i care what other people think of me, i think they are just going to have to be happy with unshowered, poorly dressed, and an anything but peppy lauren. yup. *sigh* sorry to be so down, but if i can't be honest on here, then...idk what. it's sad if you can't even be honest in your own silly journal. ah well, hehe, one of my friends just totally made me smile, check it:

me: blah
another lauren: such enthusiasm
another lauren: can I quote you on that?
me: absolutely
another lauren: consider it quoted
me: yay
another lauren: I deleted half my profile for that
another lauren: consider yourself special

so anyways, that just made me smile, yay : D so now i think it high time i went to bed before i think anymore. much love.