happiness according to a silly silly girl

life is very very good. i have been recently realizing how much joy i find in the little things and also realizing that that is where people can find true happiness, its not in one wonderful thing or person or event, because that lasts for only a moment. but true happiness (which of course God created and actually comes from him) can be found in things like when you hear the ice cream truck on a hot summers day and see all the kids(yourself included, hehe) rushing towards it. or perhaps when you tell someone one little thing and it brightens up their entire day. or when the clothes you want to wear on a cold winters day just came out of the dryer and they are wonderfully toasty. i love it when it suddenly starts raining and you find yourself not minding one single bit. or when a little flower get confused in november and thinks its time to bloom and brightens up the ground all around it with its vibrant color. i love it when something seems like a complete bummer but once you begin to think about some of the good aspects, it doesn't seem so bad anymore : )

its official

thanksgiving break. what a mundane name for such an extraordinary time. i had the most amazing time this past week. wednesday was great, i slept in, went to lunch with my sissy and David and then chilled with David, hunting for pumpkins in the rain and just chilling with some of the funniest and coolest people i know. thursday was of course thanksgiving day. so i stayed with my family pretty much the whole time. and that was really nice, we had the most amazing turkey and had a great time with just the four of us. friday consisted of more pumpkin hunting, without the rain thank goodness, an awful awful game of pool and just another really nice time with a whole buncha people. finally on saturday, we had the pumpkin shoot, and i shot a gun! i actually shot about 3 hehe, and that made me happy. it was quite fun to shoot, considering i had never shot anything before. and lets just say i need to work on my aim, lol. oh well :) after a valiant effort to start a bonfire with no gasoline or kerosene in teh pouring down rain, we cooked our hot dogs and smores over the grill, hehe. then we trucked over to kevin's and i played some goldeneye and listened to some nice live hammered dulcimer music and then trucked over to the daniels. finally i had to get on home in the yucky cold rain. but the rain was forgotten when David asked if he could ask me a question, and finally asked my to be his girlfriend. i was like "absolutely!!!" hehe so, finally, its official. after pseudo-dating for like 4 months, lol. oh but we prefer the term courting, not that it matters too much, but oh well. i am officially being courted. score. hehehe. i have been on a cloud these past few days and i still am, and plan on being so for a good long while. then yesterday of course was my love's birthday so i baked him things and gave him presents, which i think/hope he really liked. so yay, idk how i pulled it off, but i did. boys are hard to shop for! anyways, i think i have said enough about my break. needless to say, it was amazing and i am so happy and i am so thankful for everyone and everything right now. i love you all. : D

all the world's a stage

well, its not really ALL a stage, but lately its seemed like it. oklahoma is finally done and it succeeded with flying colors. great job to everybody! it was great fun and its sad that that was my last musical at grimsley ever. most of the seniors cried. surprisingly, not me. anyways, i had a wonderful weekend. so many of my friends and loved ones came to see me last night in the show and i was so happy, and i got a big bouquet of beautiful red roses and i was just all smiles, lol, like normal. ; ) it was a very exhausting, very wonderful weekend. i finally got to drive my new car and i get it back on tuesday for good!! it was way much fun, but i must say i prefer camaros.... ; ) hehe anyways, its about time for me to crawl in to bed and recover. only two days this week, what could be better? : ) now i just have to figure out what to get david for his birthday...*sigh* boys are very difficult to get presents for. very difficult. oh well, it was a wondrous weekend and i love you all and i cant wait until thanksgiving break : ) God bless whoever came up with that wonderful holiday ; )

OKLAHOMA!!!

oh man, its show week!!! hehe!

OKLAHOMA!
At Grimsley H.S. Auditorium
November 17th - 20th @ 7:30!!

I'll be going up Thursday Nov. 18th and Saturday Nov. 20th!! so please come!
tickets are $4 from me in advance, or $5 at the door! I'd love for anyone and everyone to come see me, or at least just see the show! Its a great, fun show and I'd love for you all to come! i play Aunt Eller on my on-nights, and then an extra (with solo, hehe) on my off-nights.

anyways, enough plugging, I hope you all can come! : ) meanwhile I must go prepare for my role! ; ) love love love! *wanders off singing oklahoma tunes* hehe :)

Your grace still amazes me

well, i'm definitely doing a lot better, thats for sure. the power of prayer and God's grace is amazing. we really have to lay it all at God's feet.

They laid them at [Jesus'] feet and He healed them. - Matthew 15:30

I just found that verse the other night, and it just made me realize how little I give to God to take care of. I try to take care of everything all by myself, on my own, just me. I don't like letting people help me, let alone God. I guess I want to prove I can do it all without any help, a little thing we all like to call pride. *sigh* I have a very large streak of it too. anyways, I really have got to work on letting God handle it. He's bigger than me, He's stronger than me, he can definitely help me bear my burden, and He's wants to because He is so wonderful. I don't want to do it on my own anymore. I'm not sure why I feel like I have to prove my strength to the world, because I don't, and there isn't much strength there to prove anyway. *sigh* I'm just a work in progress, like everyone else, and I'm getting there, slowly, but surely. God is so good, and I'm just thankful He wants to help us and He died so that we could be saved. Thank you God.

i ain't dropping no eaves!

an overheard conversation at 7:30 in the morning:

"I'd sell my pinky toe for $10,000!"
"What?? But its your pinky toe! You can't sell that!"
"I mean come on, which would you rather have? Your pinky toe, or a new car? I think we all know the answer to that question."

so many wishes and not a magic lamp in sight...

i would blog about something happy if i could, but i think thats nigh on impossible right now. i just can't. i'm being eaten alive from the inside out and nothing has ever hurt more. i really really doubt i should be blogging this, but oh well, here goes nothing huh? i just don't know what to do anymore, i mean, i can fix everything can't i? i guess not. what do you do when the one thing you want to fix most in the world, is not only the one thing you can't solve, but its your own fault as well? it is the worst feeling that i can imagine, and i really hope it doesn't get worse than this, because, wow this sucks. i don't understand how a person can contain this many extreme emotions at once, i really really don't how can one be so happy and so depressed simultaneously? i don't get it. All i know is that its eating me up and i'm falling apart. thats the only way to put it. my seams have all been ripped out and i can't move for fear of breaking into pieces, well, more pieces that is. happiness and love are so often equated, but they aren't the same at all. i just wish they were, and then, then maybe i could fix this. but my love isn't enough, not now, not ever, nothing i do ever is, i can't be perfect, i try so hard and it doesn't happen. i can't make anyone happy, let alone everyone. i might as well stop worrying about it. but i can't not worry about it, i can't not care, because thats who i am and who i will always be. so i'm just gonna try my best to make the rest of the world as happy as possible, and maybe one day that smile will truly shine.